Last time, we spent almost the entire post talking about Fear and Trust in regard to our relationship with The Father. We talked about being afraid because we do not yet fully trust Him and we do not fully trust Him, because we are afraid of what he might do to us or places he might send us, etc. We also mentioned that although there are many possible reasons for this, but the lack of a proper father image is chief among them. If you think you might fit into this category, then this post is just for you. If you are new to The Established Heart, please read the previous posts first, then come back to this one.
Many of you could identify with last weeks post. The father image you were given was less than ideal. The holidays are difficult, Fathers Day is difficult and other family gatherings are difficult. On Father’s Day, you probably have seen so many different tributes to fathers. You have seen those who celebrated the kindness and love of a good father. You have seen those who lost their father at some point and truly miss his influence in their lives. This is for those of you who have seen those posts and your eyes keep tearing up. You have a dad, but that relationship isn’t what it should have been. You long to have a relationship like what others have posted on social media, but your dad just wasn’t like that for you, and so you are left wanting. You, whoever you are, have been pulling on my heart today. This post is just for you. If you can, I would like to take your own father’s place and tell you the words you need to hear today. Please allow me to speak the words that your own father (or father figure) would speak if he only knew how.
My dearest son or daughter, please forgive me for all of those times when you just wanted time with me and I was too busy for you. Forgive me for always being away and never home. Forgive me for those times when you wanted me to play ball or to play dolls with you and I just wanted to watch TV or sleep. Forgive me for speaking harshly to you when a soft answer and a loving embrace was what you truly needed. Forgive me for not attending your games or recitals because it conflicted with something that I thought was important at the time. Please forgive me for making you feel unimportant in my life. You are important to me. Forgive me for making you feel like my love for you was based upon your performance in school or the playing field. Please forgive me for missing Birthdays and not helping you feel celebrated and loved. Forgive me for not listening to you when you tried to tell me of something that was hurting your heart. Forgive me for not believing you when you tried to tell me of something horrible or humiliating that was happening to you. Forgive me for not protecting you from whatever was hurting you. Forgive me for any abuse I did to you whether it was verbal, physical or even sexual abuse. It was not your fault. It was never your fault and never will be your fault. This was my fault. Forgive me for speaking unkindly to you, your mother and everyone else in the family. Forgive me for making you feel less than loved and cherished for the gift that you truly are. Forgive me for not being able to give you what you needed, because I didn’t have it to give. I failed you because of my own brokenness. I gave you what I had been given which was hurt and pain. I didn’t know any better. Please forgive me, my precious child. For those of you that I abandoned, forgive me. Even if I died prematurely, forgive me for making you feel abandoned and left alone. Lastly, for those of you that I could never say this to, I want you to know that you are loved. I loved you. Even though my actions did not affirm this, I still loved you. My actions were masking the pain of my own life, causing me to hurt others and especially you. Please forgive me for everything I have done that hurt you in any way. Forgive me for not being able to give you the love that you needed and in the way that you needed it. Please forgive me.
For those of you whose heart was touched by these words, it is vitally important that you forgive your father. Take a moment and speak it out loud. Say I forgive my dad <or father, papa or whatever you called him> for whatever he did to you, say it out loud. Name the offenses. Just say it out loud to yourself and mean it. Start the new year out right and forgive him today.
I want you to know that you are loved. You are loved far more than you realize. You are loved by he who created everything. It is important that you realize how important you are to Him. Let him talk with you right now. Let him speak to your heart. Let him tell you of his love for you. Just sit still and let him love you. Selah…
Happy New Year!